My first religious post...

I've been thinking. I do a lot of thinking these days because often times I can't fall back asleep after the 3 am feeding. Its probably a little insomnia, excitement for the holidays, anxiety, and a little bit of the baby blues...but lets just say a national tragedy today did not help my sleeping woes.

Anyway, all moms love to share their baby's firsts. First time rolling over, first word, first tooth, first steps, first day of school, etc. And even though I am most comfortable in the "mommy blog" box, I was overwhelmed today with a sense of how short life can be and I wanted to share a religious experience.

I want to start by saying that I 100% completely beleive in the power of prayer. This week has been horrible for me in so many ways. Bad news and bad experiences everywhere I look.

First, Clint went out of town for the week leaving me alone with two kids on maternity leave. This is probably nothing to some of those super moms out there, but I know my limitations and I am the type who needs a break at 5:30 or 6 when daddy comes home. Without that, I've been sleep deprived and hungry as I dont have the time or energy to prepare real meals. I mean, my lunches have been microwavd pizza rolls and caffeine free diet coke. While this duo is delicous to me, its not healthy.

Second, I've been thinking a lot about cancer and how horrible it is when it affects someone healthy, smart, loving, and kind. For example, a person who gets lung cancer after never smoking a cigarette in their life. Awful. Or worse, a person who gets metastatic ovarian cancer to the lung after never smoking a day in their life. And worse, a person with such a diagnosis who has a pregnant daughter and may not get to see that grandbaby until Heaven. I just can't accept or understand such scenerios. So I pray.

Third, horrible news about a dear friend and her medical condition. More tears.

Fourth, realizing that its time to let a friend go after a 23 year friendship.The worst.

Fifth, national tragedy 47 miles away from my 15 year old cousin Therese and Aunt and Uncle in Connecticut. My mom was born in Plainville, CT and raised in New Britain, CT. If you want to see my mom light up, introduce her to anyone from Connecticut. She loves that state, and so do I. Before my grandparents past and many years after, I have flown to Connecticut EVERY Christmas and every summer. In college, visits turned to more like once a year..but still, I think I have flown to Connecticut nearly 40 times. I roadtripped there in college with my dear friend Kimmy, who became a staple on Cooperman family trips. Clint and I even managed to include a drive to Farmington, CT in on our honeymoon to Cape Cod, because it is so close. Last December, Lily took her first plane trip at 10.5 months old, to where? Hartford, CT of course...where the family is. I was instantly shocked and horrified by the facebook message that poppedup from Clint this morning telling me about another damn school shooting. I turned on the news and my tears turned to sobs when the parent interviews started. Had to turn it off and call my Aunts in Connecticut. Both answered the phone and I felt peace knowing all my family is safe. I got to hear "insider" stories of what Newtown (pronounced New Town) is really like. Turns out its where you go for apple, orchards, pumpkins, and antiques. I've been trying to watching my potty mouth lately, but I couldnt stop walking around the house saying, "F-ing apples and pumpkins". (We're lucky Lily doesnt parrot everything back just yet!) The mental picture just killed me. This is beautiful, rural Connecticut, one of the safest places in the world!!! And look what happended...awful. There are no words.

Sixth, my poor baby Brinley ridden with freakin' acid reflux, so bad that I sent her to urgent care at CHP. The only appt I could get was 7:45 pm (because I didnt call CHP until 5:35- after hours). This was upsetting because I'd really been looking forward to going to the Morningside Baptist production of "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" at 7 pm with Clint. I'm the one home with Brinley all day who knows exactly what her symptoms are so I really wanted to be the one at urgent care getting reassurance from a doctor. Dawn Coste is Clints first cousin and her family was performing in addition to my dear friend AA's mom Phyllis being there. And my friend Paula wanted to come too. After watching 20 innocent children get sensely shot to death, call me crazy, but I want my butt in a church! Somewhere safe where I can pray. My parents were over to babysit, and luckily we worked it out to where my mom could stay home with Lily, Dad, Clint, and Brinley could go to urgent care, and Paula and I could make it to Morningside only about 10 minutes late. Yay!

OK...so my prayer story. I was sitting next to my cousin Kayla and Clint's Aunt Gloria, watching Dawn and James sing and finally enjoying some Christmas cheer. (Who can resist little girls in angel constumes?!) I was thinking about the tragedy at Sandy Hook and praying for those kids. All of a sudden I had the sudden thought, followed by a feeling of peace, that I was done having biological children. God has blessed me with 2 daughters and my heart is full. Clint has always said he wanted a son, but 2 daughters later, I feel like I have exactly what and who was meant to be and that I should not try for a third child. At least not any time soon. I also briefly had the thought of adopting a son...something I never truly considered until this night. I was excited to get home and share these thoughts with Clint. (After sharing them with Paula first, because she is an amazing listener.) So now I feel greater peace for our family and what my calling is as a mom. Any girl clothes that Brinley grows out are immediately free for the taking. Baby stuff will be donated to those in need or friends who would like to use it. Thats really the whole story, but to be honest, thats what I believe it "sounds like" when God speaks to you in prayer- you just know and it gives you peace. Merry Christmas!